It hurts
So much
That I can’t breathe

I can’t say it
Because that would be selfish of me
I’m not allowed to hurt
Because I’m locked away
In this privileged position
So I must be okay.

Yet deep down
It burns so bad
And I am afraid.

I smile as I should
And laugh at the jokes
I tell everyone to be kind to themselves
And try to push down
The hypocrisy of my own behaviour

I encourage healing
And time
And peace in which people can grow
Yet hide in the shadows
Stoking the very flames
That hurt me so.

No opinion
Or decisions
For fear of hurting you
Obedience
And sacrifice
That’s what good girls do.

But cages don’t suit me
And silence never has
I think the cracks are showing
And there is no turning back

The world is changing
My understanding is too.
I deserve to be more
Than this shadow of you.