Waking up is chore.
Lifting my body from the bed,
Brushing my teeth,
Bathing.
They are exhausting, and I am done with the day before its begun.

I dont see joy in the sunshine, or hope on the sky.
I see hours to be filled, reality that I am alone.
The director of fun on a cruise i never wanted to attend.
The days all blur together and i am left questioning,
Why do I even bother?

There is more that I'm missing
So much I have chosen to cut out.
This life was one I never wanted but felt obligated to achieve.
In order to recieve the approval of the one person who despises me.

The lower I sink, the greater her self worth becomes.
It is apparent.
We are linked in this tug of war.
This life.
Drawing from the other.
Indulging our sick obsession, to become more than the other.

In my quest for validation,
I've made myself a prisoner.
Allowed myself to believe this was the way,
This was acceptable, deserved.
That i am no more than an after thought to those who I love above all else.

This feeling, is heavy and weighs me down.
I succumb to the smothering conclusion,
This will be who I am,
My story is written.
I have neither the understanding nor the energy to achieve,
Anything other than brushing my teeth.