Continue to be amused by the antics of lunatics and you'll be joining them in the lockdown ward which is open to visitors on Sundays unless it's not and this is not how it's supposed to be said the Earl of Montgomery whose real name was Bill and who had been ill with delusions for a number of years.

The roses in the gardens were tended by a mass murderer who lavished loving affection and brought these blooms to perfection before taking up the secateurs which had safety guards fitted because you can't be too careful with sharp bladed things.

The head chef was called Wellington who used to be Napoleon until the battle at Waterloo showed him the error of his ways and now he fries pancakes in a hundred different ways which all taste like crepe to the comedians in the dining hall.