I have dated a man for over 4 years
Last year we opened it up-only for me
I slept with women, men, both, did some threesomes
Had some fun
I met a Tony
I was infatuated immediately
The ***
The depression
The eyes
The shower
The jokes
The moments

And he is gone
A man I drunkenly texted wishing I could see
A man I drunkenly said I would leave my boyfriend of 4 years for
A man I snuggled and watched soul with
A man I knew saw other people
A man I was rooting for had finally found a girlfriend who cherished him and loved him and was monogamous for him
A man that stopped responding so I thought he had found a girlfriend
The man I found out a month later had overdosed
The man I had texted that entire month waiting for a response
Missing him
Needing him
Wanting him
To find he is gone
After all the signs he left
After all the blatant statements he said
After the suicide prevention training I have literally had
And I couldn’t even save the man I still want today