Your lips on my lips
They were infused, hot, connected, deep, fulfilling, sensual
Something I hadn’t felt in a long time,
Like I could not get enough of them.

Your body on mine
You inside me
You all around me
Your caress
Your hug
Your energy

You had the ability to drown out the background noise,
the connection to make my depression feel heard and seen and valid.

And now you are gone
And now i am left with the knowledge of what you told me
And the reality of what you did
And the impact of not knowing for sure
And the fact that you overdid it
And the question of the intent

And I am left wondering if you are happy wherever you are or if you are still in pain?
And I am left wondering if there is a way I could be with you?
And I am left fantasizing of a way for no pain for me too?

And I am left missing you
I am left crying every day when I never cried before
I am left knowing I could have done more if I had realized sooner
I am left with myself and a pit in my stomach
I am left in a world with laughter and sunshine and chocolate and freedom and hikes
A world that you are no longer in
But a world that maybe you hadn’t enjoyed in too long
A world I take a trip to once in a while
A world I can hold on for
Even if that is a world without you