An ode to all the boys I have loved,
even just for a night.
The words would never escape my weathered lips, but loving you on those nights was more
than just a trip.

Pt. 1
you were my first kiss,
the first boy i felt i have ever missed.
like most people since,
the night our lips first met
was also the last.
with shaking hands you gave to me
those half melted chocolates and that
stupid teddy bear
your mother helped you buy at the store.
with nothing to give
i leaned in my 12 year old head-
you half missed
and ran giggling away

Pt. 2
you were the one who made me stand tall
but i was too afraid to fall
the only boy whose words were true
i almost let myself love you
wrapped in your arms
the world could not exist
we made plans & plans
so naturally i let
my bad habits and gypsy soul
take me away
to darker days

i can't remember the color of your eyes
and it kills me
2 years later i saw you again
it was dark in a room of a hundred people
and unknowingly i stood next to you
you talked of old times & i swallowed your words
along with that cinnamon poison.
we danced until oblivion knocked us down
and on that floor
i opened hell's door
exploring your mouth
like i've been lost for too long
your hands did the same
to my 17 year old body
and it brought to us notorious fame
i told myself it was just unfinished business
but really I needed to relive your kiss

Pt. 3
stuck in my old ways
i craved an escape
you were there that night
and my morals took flight
dancing in the dark
my mind fell apart
and i found myself kissing you
like i had been missing you
my messy eyes and liquid lies
told me i might as well die

Pt. 4
with you i tried again
to let myself go
your words seemed so true
but never did i know they could sting so cruel
in that old bed
with our old friends
you showed me what butterflies were.
drowning out the other ones
your shirt left sight
and you gave me another bite
too fast it seemed
i stopped to plead
because this is the first time
we've met
and your lies told me
you wanted to know me.
alone in the car
we kissed again
i never knew that would be
the last time
i felt i could fly

Pt. 5
to me you felt like a dream
every summer with you was atop lake serene
never sober
never closer
those drunken kisses
got me high every time
but i still wanted to climb
burned by the others
my heart still fluttered
i poured my soul out to you
over my grandma's old *****
and you never got my last name
for i feared one day you would say it in vain
that last summer i saw you
you told me you loved me-
i've haven't seen you since

Pt. 6
for now i almost have no words
you threw my heart at such a curve
always, from afar
i wanted you near my heart
and one day you made your way there
but let's be fair
you were drunk
and your mouth how it stunk
you were on those substances i could smell
you saw stars in my eyes
so i led you towards my sky
you kissed me then and there
i loved you like air was a foreign concept
and thought how wonderful it would be
to be the one you were thinking of

Pt. 7
I found you lurking at the bottom
of the ocean and I  let myself drown just
so I could kiss you but
they never tell you how it feels
to realize you are the wrong person and
I'm wishing I could
drag you back out to sea

Pt. 8
By this time I knew I had a problem
And you came out of nowhere-
Just in time to watch me tumble down
You grabbed me and instead of falling to the floor I fell into your lips and it felt so wrong I wouldn't wish it upon anyone

Pt. 9
I think you deserve more than a verse but darling we know time and there's no time for that
Shaking legs and shaky breaths in that old room with the furnace burning way too warm
You were everything in that moment and I haven't stopped thinking about it since