It's currently 2am and I remembered someone asked me, 'What does it feel to be suicidal?'
'Does it literally mean that you want to **** yourself?'
Now what does being suicidal mean?
A lot of people interprets the word 'suicidal' individuals as persons who's mad and wants to **** themselves.
As simple as that.
A person who wants to pull a gun's trigger in their head.
But people got it all wrong.
Being suicidal doesn't just mean killing yourself.
Being suicidal is like,
smoking cigarettes and drinking with hopes that you'll get cancer and die.
Or maybe crossing the street without looking cause you don't really care getting hit by a vehicle.
Not eating or not sleeping and hoping that you'll die out of exhaustion.
Or even staying late outside hoping that a random person would stab you and let you bleed to death.
Sometimes it's showing less interest and being cruel to persons that you love, because if they leave you'll have less reasons to go on with life.
Or not being interested with yours dreams and future so you'll get tired and have less of a purpose.
Sometimes being suicidal means shutting all of your doors to be alone and endure all the pain.
Or putting yourself in potentially painful situations hoping that it'll be the last straw.
It's that sick feeling when every time you sleep at night, and the only hope you have is that your eyes will not open.  
Being suicidal doesn't mean trying to die.
Or pointing a gun in your head and pulling its trigger.
A lot of times, it means not putting any effort in living.