I feel very stuck sometimes,
between stubbornness and pride.
That when I look into their eyes,
I feel like I am feeling shamed,
  but that isn't mine,
    that isn't now,
      it was them
         and it was then.
I feel like a small child,
digging my heels into a non-existant ground,
  because I did something wrong,
     and won't give into admitting it.
Than it comes back to my current self,
  the one that was and yet still kind of is.
   and I rip the demon from my back,
     and pray that when I am vulnerable next,
        it won't come back for seconds.
But I know it will,
  until I am strong enough to make it not,
    but until then,
       I still have Them,
          the ones that will protect me the way no one else would,
             the ones that love me the way that they didn't.
But now I am here,
  still not quite sure what that means,
     but one day I will,
       and I will be that girl I saw in the double reflection of the glass door.