The most fearing is the most
frustrating  

The most pressing
comes through the window  
of the knowing  

that I wouldn't be ready for you 10 years ago

The thought that you may have never been able to know me

Even when I could see you in my dreams so vividly so specifically  
in the nature of this life form

I was drawn to so many others I secretly couldn't stand
in front of
without making me sick and quivel
they were never you
not once

They could only attempt to
try  
and  
replicate

Me
  
the connection the electric magnetic  
wires stretched between my teeth

caught up
in the circles of so many dimly lit flames screaming red caution  
splattered out pain  
I didn’t listen

I hadn’t a thing to gain  
except the knowing awareness  
through the respect of them  
All
deadlight, sound blank space
No pulse to work with until the truth came to talk to me during visits to the dentist and there I was just yearning for the attention of The One.  

They came one after the other as does a nightmare with a ***** little secret

It couldn't be
Real
I never told myself anything
I just knew

But what does it mean to know when you are only real
in your loneliness?

When no one can see you for who you really are

Makes you feel kinda lonely…  

This is the real prison.  

When you know that.
And there is nothing to do about it, but wait
pray but trust in Him my God, to let him move you fluidly straight to You in Light and Truth.  

I see you, I see you. And, you're not alone.
You're my best friend.  
One of the most amazing people I've ever known.