I kept my blood shot eyes securely hidden behind my day killing shades as I took long careful steps over the flatend headstones.
I looked to the shadowed areas of the hillside graveyard, soon found refuge beneath a sorrow slumped eucalyptus. I pulled the pint from my pocket and took a pull, then planted myself down along side the dead.
The whirling Santa Anas brought forth the aroma of the marigolds,and dandelions that had been left for the departed.
I concentrated on the pint, I thought hard about my decision to stop chasing the dream and devote it all to chasing the Dragon.
It hurt at first when I awoke to the fact that my dreams were not my own. And this life and all it includes was as false as the Gods we pray to.
I was surrounded by the dead but the dead paid me no mind. The dead were too busy being dead to do anything else but lay there within the earth in silence.
A memory invaded my thoughts like a raiding army hungry for wine and flesh. The times before all of this, the times when I felt the need to be seen with the crowds. The times when I followed the flow of the fools and applauded with them all, bought gifts with them all and celebrated a false celebration, all in time and stepΒ Β with the fools.
That memory of me when I was less then I am now, following the fools , just as blind as they remain on this very day. As part of the crowd I made no impact on it all. I stood not apart but Within. Engulfed and smothered with lies. I became too much like the other guy and his best friend. The smiling head on the television, and the digitized voice on the radio. I thought not on my own but as one with the machine.
All of that person is gone now, dead and hopefully buried just as these fading bones who now surrounded me. These silenced spirits who are the only crowd I wish to join.
Its a lonely travel that I've turned to,it didn't take much to walk away from it all once I awoke to this. I left my shadow behind, and threw their goals away as I took on the task of casting flames upon the serpent.
I never knew how wrong I was until that veil of television and radio,material wealth and religion was pulled sternly from my mind. I found my comfort among the dead whose silent cheers applaud me.
They know now as they lay deep and dead that all of it was a lie. Their lives were never lived, their decisions not their own.
I went at the bottle and played host to death. And I wondered were they the winners, the lucky ones who had found a way out of this place where death looms over head and the struggle to go on living is a war fought everyday. This place where good men are falsely accused and artist are brushed aside, where sports are king and the lies are told as truths.
I find my days are clearer living on this side of the coin, but easier they'll never be.
I have awoke to this. To this and all of the lies that have come from this.
Once you have awoke to this theres no going back to sleep.