when i was eight we had our kitchen remodeled
it is now one am and ten years later

old habits die hard
it is the reason i only breathe to one side when i swim
the reason i pick things up with my left hand
the reason i flinch when people hug me
its the reason i cringe when my necklace touches my neck
when his hands graze over my hips
the reason i lie to my mother for no reason
and fear taking too many pills or drinking too much iced tea

the way i love is a habit i have been trying to change
but i say that every time

when they remodeled our kitchen they changed the cabinets so that the dishes and glasses swapped spots
I just went to get water and ended up with a plate
its been ten ******* years
how am i supposed to change if i can't even remember where the cups are