You know nothing of life
Till you feel the deepened, endless, depths of death.

You feel dull
Till you are laying on the kitchen floor
***** plastered to your hair
speckled with pills
you heart racing
and the only thing you are thinking
"I'll never feel snow again."
He comes to you in jagged breaths,
in blinding pain,
and he whispers in your ear
"Your mother cries at night, dear boy why live this way?
Go out, make her proud, I took too much for her, and you have given too little."
and then you know.
you've always wanted to be a teacher

You fell empty
Till you lay in your gown
the beeping of the screen seems endless
as do the days, trapped in your hospitable bed.  
everything slows
and you know
hes coming.
Your too tired to open your eyes,
but you feel his soft caress,
his hand holds yours  
and says "Does the softball games missed? the dinners skipped and the paperwork finished matter at this very moment?"
and then you know.
Why your daughter never speaks to you.