I wonder if they have expectations of me
Did they think so highly of me
What do they think of me
Who am i
I tried keeping my distance
I didn’t want any closing
Or friendships
Could’ve kept my mouth shut the whole time

He was friendly
He was nice
He was funny
He was helping
He is not what I thought he was

I’m torn
I hate myself
For trusting a man

I feel stupid and pathetic
innocent and naive

I know i can’t fix anything
If i don’t ask for help

I’m still a coward who wants to run away
My ego is big and I want to prove them wrong
I can’t do both and I can’t do only one

Cooperating
How if i have no reason

I don’t owe them anything
What does anything matter anymore

These past months feel wasteful

I want to throw every memory away

I can still feel his face in my neck

Whispering “do you like it?”