I thought I was happy and in love
That "us" would always mean, us Until you led me to question
What is love?
What is happiness?
And for months now I have been unable to decipher my mood
Within me lies the answer, well hidden
I'd say within my cold, black heart
But is it really dank and dark?
Surely flowers and sunbeams can't be bursting from my ribs
I feel no clawing from within the walls of my chest cavity
Is anyone home?
I have my doubts
The only clue is
It's beating keeps me up at night
If only it were methodical
It races until I catch it, take a few deep breaths
Sometimes it subsides
More often I wash my face with salt water
It licks my hide like a moon starved tide
I let it creep down my cheeks onto my lips
Until I'm dry and can dream about his fingertips
And not those of the person who loves me unconditionally
Then and only then do I feel true happiness
In our alternate reality
How I wish for our nonexistence