I was bored and lonely
wanted to be like everyone else
be liked by people
love and be loved
**** and get ******

something about getting kicked out of the house
really brings a new meaning to the term
"rock&roll"
sleeping on the streets
it's not so easy to forgive
the people
who gave you so many chances
the people
who had finally had enough
I know I know
I left because I felt like I needed to truly experience
the worst of the worst to then be able to truly experience
the best of the BEST
"the world is my oyster," I think is how the saying goes?
well ****, I've never even seen an oyster
and I hate the smell of the ocean
(I mean really people? you like that?)
anyway...

I have learned that if you plant a seed, it will grow
seeds as in vegetables
but also seeds as in
metaphorical seeds
the seed that I had planted in my mind
and committed to was for
truly understanding what my favorite writers had gone through
and talked about in their works.
I felt that if I experienced it,
truly,
then perhaps I could understand,
fully.

I have felt what it is like to be
more empty than empty.
the words broken and shattered
couldn't even come close enough to reach my shadow.
there were no words to describe
what I was going through at the time.
I was too busy dying
to write.
Now, I'm getting busy living
to write.
Now, I must write.

I had my hurrahs and my hooray's
but it's back to the pages and the books
and the games
and the food
and bringing myself home.
To the place I can call home.
where I can create.

Back to the poetry,
as I back away from my demons.

you know they call it spirit for a reason?
you know they call them spirits for a reason?

the drinking
the drugs
the cigarettes
the lovers
lost friends
cold nights
hard nights
frightened yet still
confident

It takes time to  
come back to
yourself
                               after trying to lose
(and most of the time succeeding)
                                                           yourself.

I've done a 180.
Never want to leave.

I'm home.