Hear this heart beat faint
                                        beyond the extra mile?
All these thoughts
                              All these dreams
           Too much to reconcile?
Lost all purpose
                       No more reason to smile
Though told of greatness
               And extra brain fire
I feel no self worth
            And the reasons just pile

Had small moments of bliss
                                      Where worth just a glimmer
A fraction of time
                            Where worth,
In fact
             Did Shimmer.
It was not a focus on others
                                             Did not matter who I was
Do not like what you see
                                     Don't come back, please.

But I find myself wondering
                                            where the change did click in
Because I've felt this before
                                            A fight for no win.


Lost trust in my actions,
                                       my thoughts,
                                             judgement,
                                             morals,
Everything lost when you just cannot see.
            That I'm a real person
                                                Who is able to be.

This time passes slowly,
                                      Especially kept so near,
Treating me special,
                                Except not different at all.

How do you expect to grow,
                                               Go.
When never given a chance
                                  To just say No.

What was once said,
                                   now sounds so logical
I'm trying so hard
                             to not be biological.
but it feels like this path
                                      was already carved out in stone
so do not be shocked,
                                       scared or excited.
You built this path,
                                You should have known.

Try so hard,
                    to walk off this path.
Let me discover...
                          To use the lessons once taught.
One day I'll snap back
                                  Then shock is allowed
Because you won't see this coming
                                 This Strong Person
                                                          ­    This Soul
                        That I Am Becoming.


**July 15, 2013