Nov 19
He twisted me
I don't know anymore
The truth is
I don't know anymore
What is safe
Or
What is a dangerous
I can't tell
Which people
Or things
Are right
Are safe
Are true
And what is wrong
And dangerous
And a lie
Places
Wandering hands
Unwelcome
Untoward
Untrue
Unloving
All of them
A mind game
A lie
Telling me
"It's okay"
It was never okay
And they ask me what's wrong
And am I alright
And they say how much I've changed
And "You didn't used to be this way"
But the truth is
That
I'm not here anymore
she isn't here anymore.
Fifteen years later
I'm not the little girl
You took advantage of
She's gone
She's not coming back
She died fifteen years ago
In that dim bedroom
Laying
Helpless
Beneath a heavier
Weight
And now
What has become my commonplace
Is not common in this place
Deep inside me
Sometimes
I think she's still in there
That little girl
11 years old
Whispering again and again
Through the tears
"He said it was okay
He said it was okay
He said it was okay"
I don't know anymore
The truth is
I don't know anymore
What is safe
Or
What is a dangerous
I can't tell
Which people
Or things
Are right
Are safe
Are true
And what is wrong
And dangerous
And a lie
Places
Wandering hands
Unwelcome
Untoward
Untrue
Unloving
All of them
A mind game
A lie
Telling me
"It's okay"
It was never okay
And they ask me what's wrong
And am I alright
And they say how much I've changed
And "You didn't used to be this way"
But the truth is
That
I'm not here anymore
she isn't here anymore.
Fifteen years later
I'm not the little girl
You took advantage of
She's gone
She's not coming back
She died fifteen years ago
In that dim bedroom
Laying
Helpless
Beneath a heavier
Weight
And now
What has become my commonplace
Is not common in this place
Deep inside me
Sometimes
I think she's still in there
That little girl
11 years old
Whispering again and again
Through the tears
"He said it was okay
He said it was okay
He said it was okay"
I've thought long and hard about posting this. It's been sitting in my Drafts folder for months, being edited and changed here and there while I decide if I'mbrave enough to share it. I've been too afraid to post this, but I knew that one day, I would have the courage to let other people read it, because I'm healing. It's slow and hard and painful, but I'm healing. I am. I'm doing it with my hands shaking, but I'm doing it, and my eyes are open.
