the cold breeze
that is your absence
wakes me like a shake
in the middle of the afternoon
on a December day
the emptiness is so loud
when I wake up hungover
having drunk all night
to forget the mistakes I make
calling out to you
praying you respond
from the left side of my bed
the pain of turning
realising you aren’t there
smelling you on my pillow
shaking my head
and the pound falls
I have no right to want you

words echo emptily
I’ve only got myself to blame
for the reasons I can’t love you
when I made decisions that hurt you
I have all the reasons to need you
but no grounds when I can’t make you stay
I have no right to miss you
when I pushed you so far away
all night I’m wide awake
fighting the urge to call you
I long to hear your voice
but I have only me to blame
for the choices I made

the night breaks to dawn
and the cold hugs me
comforted by the regret
sleeping in my pain
in my unmade a bed of roses