i miss reading and the enjoyment that stemmed from seeing the world through other people's words
the library used to be my favorite place and books were my sole escape but lately i can't bring myself to read
it's as if all those years never lifting my nose from a book is catching up with me and i don't know how to slow down and fix it

i have a list of books i would like to read or that other people would like me to read
and i feel guilty everytime i look at it
it'd be great if i read something off it but im scared it won't feel the same as it did when I needed an escape from reality
feels stulid when i say it out loud but when i was a kid i needed books and the worlds they provided
and now not so much

it's not like the love i had for literature has just disappeared i know it's still there
it's just stored away for a rainy day when my brain again fails to process the fast paced world around me and reality again becomes suffocating

until then I'll try to write my own stories onto blue lines and blank screens and hope that's enough to keep myself from falling into dark times
I'll write stories real and fake to remind myself it's okay to take up space and live in the real world