No one understands how deep my pain is rooted and its complexity Where its roots spreads to, where its leaves and flowers blossoms No one understands as no one truly knows the origin of its seed Where it came from and why it came to be Why does it cluster my mind and suffocate the life out of it And the life of others My friends and family Why does it hurt the ones that I love the most Spreads without my consent Without my permission Targeting my loved ones heart and minds Reaching their soul and well being Destroying them Killing me more more emotionally than physically Because the destruction of those around me caused by my seed Is worse than the destruction of myself As one can find comfort from fading away Maybe being swept back to the earth, where I took my first breath and hopefully my last But that shouldnβt cause others suffering and torment But instead relief and liberation May god help those I love when I am no longer scouring the earth As I love them more than I could possibly love myself But this one thing I must do Is selfish Please forgive me