Don't have much to say, cept I'm dying. Guess everybody could say that, couldn't they? The difference is that I look now through the rear-view mirror more than I used to, seeing the moments of laughter and love that blinded me, at least for a nightime or two, of what was really happening. Making out at 15 while we watched "The Twilight Zone." The terrible sadness I felt at the world's best prep school, the lonliness, the meanness of those from Greenwich and Darien. A kid from Kansas, I wasn't like they were, thank goodness. I hate racism;  I was reared and loved by a Black woman. Several weeks ago, I got an email from a young Air Force nurse stationed in Syria. Inside of two weeks, we fell in love over the Internet. Then she asked me for money. I told my best friend about it. He showed me articles that were blueprints of the "epidemic" of the "Military Romance Scam." I was heartbroken. I guess I still am. That's probably why I'm so depressed, thinking about dying and so.

TOD HOWARD HAWKS