Pathetic Mess

I got egg on my face,
I'm a big disgrace,
hear my name slandered, all over the place

got stains on my shirt,
from last nite's dessert,
walking round with my head, in outer space

went to the store,
slammed my finger in the door,
everyone there, laughed and pointed

tripped over a stack,
of crunchy Craker Jack,
all contorted, like I'm double-jointed

called my girl last nite,
got into a fight,
she slammed down the phone, said I was an *******

drank whiskey from a glass,
got drunk on my ***,
smoked some ****, in an old hash pipe

then I couldn't get up,
got sick and threw up,
just laid there mad, I was really disgusted

then the cops were there,  
cuffed me to a chair,
you're ******* pal, cause now your busted

yes I am a mess,
and I must confess,
my pockets are empty, got me no money

need to remove this cob,
find me a job,
and oh yeah, a brand new honey

Gomer LePoet...