you let him shower you with cheap pearls and fake diamonds.
you get excited like they mean something to you when you’d much rather be given
a book of his or a jar of sand from the beach he used to visit as a child.
something meaningful and true.
not a lame romantics idea of a present.
you want something real from him, just for once so you can say to yourself
and others
that you did not marry a narcissistic robot with preprogrammed methods of love.
but you never complain, not even once.
you just accept his presents with all the love you have and the biggest smile you can manage.
then one day the gifts stop coming.
he no longer drowns you in the beauty of plastic necklaces
and gold-plated rings.
half empty glasses of aged *** are scattered among-st the house
and you wonder why.
but you don’t ask because you figure its nothing to do with you.
missed kisses in the morning showing up late when he had plenty of time to be ready,
shades of lipstick that aren’t yours staining his shirt collars, yet you swear it has
nothing to do with you.
then one day you find him drunk and sweaty, spitting and screaming into the sky
like he’s possessed by a spiteful demon.
he curses the night all in italian,
beautiful
but terrifying at the same time.
you grab onto him only to have him shove you away.
hurt by the gesture you leave him to his woes
and try to forget the night by popping the biggest pill you can find
because having to deal with him then would be worth more
than cheap jewelry and heartache.
numbing sleep finds you.
the next day you finally decide to question him, to find out why he’s been acting
so distant like the last clouds after a torrent rain.
but before you can make a move he’s already made his.
you come home to find his bags packed and stacked high in the driveway.
now you’re asking why, you’re yelling and screaming
and tearing at his shirt, hands bent like claws.
and once more he shoves you away with the utmost disgust
plastered across his usually gentle expression.
you beg one last feeble time for an explanation.
and as he walks away
with no contempt for your well being, no care for your heart
he mutters words that make you coil with self hate and regret,
like a sucker punch to the gut.
as you bore holes into his back with your eyes, he grates
“I miss your Mona Lisa smile.”