you were a flash of vibrant color,
then my back hit the ground.

suddenly,
my chest was breathless
and i watched vile things grow from the pause in my body

collecting by the Susquehanna when you never came,
i knew impotence would follow me home to Hatfield
and it did,

more rot from frozen frames
when being locked up got me locked up
a nightmare blossomed

i sang of black roses on your bedroom door

but there were red ones too.

i sat and played back colors on the projector screen
and said my favorite one was blonde,
so strong
so rect
Alive

feeling these new thorns
that were not yours
they made me wish i'd held you more gingerly

because then you were other things
loosing blood you didn't need
and staring at me from space with one black
empty eye
******* at life with your emptiness
keeping kernels that tell questions
and filling sacred chests
with ugly floods of color

now you unfold over that ridge,
San Antonio
far from anything and anyone
i've ever known

totally novel.

liberation beckons me

liberation from the past
from self-pity
from the dirt you shoveled early

& for the first time that girl
is fading from my mind
but i'm in love with it.

i don't think she'll ever really leave.