this year i have known loss like an unpredicted storm. i lost my mind, long before i ever admitted i did, to the tempest raging inside, kicking up everything in her path. i tried to stay where the sun is but I've been sobbing for a wink of sleep at 3am. i fill the restlessness with twisted allegories about a future in which my mind isn't in smithereens. i line my eyes brightly to distract you from the madness and sadness wildly coursing behind them. and you believed me when i told you i was okay.