I cry
thinking about his smile
why do I sob to a memory once happy?
why did the colors fade grey ?
and the warmth turned blue?
like a painting now turned sketch
why can't I remember what his face looked like
unless I see a photo of him on a wall
why have I forgotten most of his loving words?
how warm his hugs were?
how strong his hands were?
why must my memory fail me
its a fog building up in the distance
which will consume my memory of him
why must I forget
when this is the most important thing to remember?
I wish I lived in a photograph
where smiles stay painted still
where an essence of a memory lives on forever
and not be flawed like in life.
I wish I could have told him that I loved him some more
I wish I could have hugged a little longer
I wish I could trade my life for his
so that I could forget this pain forever.
for my biggest fear in life
is for that fog to settle down
for me to forget my father
and his smile that lit my heart
for my heart fire is slowly dying
dimming without his energy
and its ambers cannot be relit
without his godly spark
so now as years go by
a fire-y corner of my childhood
turns to a cold puddle of tears and dead dreams.