I’m trying to hold all my pieces
Make them fit like they used to
Make them fit in the way that
Everyone says they should
But this puzzle wasn’t made right
Every time I try to force it together
The edges start to morph and tear apart
The image becomes distorted and my eyes
All I can ******* see are the same eyes
The way they looked up at our parents
Begging them to see
The way they widened with fear
Every time you spoke my name
The way they cried
Every time someone hurt me
Because your words came back to haunt me
No one will ever want you like I do
I can’t ******* stand it
With my voice shoved back down my throat
And my cries silenced by years of hatred
With my cheeks wet and burning with tears
And my chest aching with the need to scream
To shriek out all of the curses
You forced me to wish upon this world
I hate you
I hate you with the deepest part of me
I feel for you the way I wished I would never
Have to feel for anyone
I loathe you
I loathe how you shaped my sight
On a body that is MINE
You tried to tell me that it wasn’t
Tried to make me think that I had no control
But it is ******* MINE
And I hate you
Because I still clutch at my brokenness
Begging it to fix itself
Please
Just stand up
Just mend yourself again so I can breathe
So I can live
So every day doesn’t feel like
******* drowning in my head
Please
I hate you
And the venom that lingers in my blood
Because I was three years old when I realized
No doesn’t ******* mean no to everybody
I was three
I hate you
Because now I ******* hate everyone
And the anger that lives and breathes inside me
Clawing and begging for release
Is an undeniable force
A ******* hurricane in my gut
Forcing my eyelids open at night
And sending panic stricken jolts into my chest
Until I feel like my entire body might break apart
Don’t ******* touch me
Don’t speak to me
Don’t remind me that you will always be there
And nothing can take you away
Because they never believed me
Don’t ******* look at me
I hate every part of you
So much that I wish snakes could be poisonous to themselves
So that I might be able to serve you this blackness inside of me
And watch you rot the way that I have
And now I laugh
I look at your ******* face
And the wretchedness inside me makes me grin
From ear to ear I  smile
At your disgusting despicable face
Because all that I want in this moment
All that I live for
Is the idea that one day you will finally be dead
You will be gone from this earth
And the ******* nightmare
That is your existence
Will finally be over
And I will finally sleep
After years of torment and torture
After decades of having to hear your voice
For no ******* reason at all
Other than you wished to reassert your dominance
I will finally ******* breathe
And it could only be made sweeter
By the faintest idea that it would be me
Putting you in the ground
I hate you for that wish
For that fantasy
For the fact that I fancy myself a monster
Because instead of curling up
Shaking and paralyzed with the fear you tore into me
I used that fire to raise a demon of my own
And while you spent your days
Carving your curses into my skin
She bathed in fountains of bloodlust and spite
And now that she has been born
She is ******* hungry