I'm mad

I'm mad at you
For laying your weight
Down on me.

I'm mad
Even if I'm not supposed to be.

I thought.
But what I think
It isn't always right.

I'm mad at you
And I step up
For the first time.

I despised you
For years.
Always hiding
My tears.

I got hurt and beyond that
I didn't think I got the right
To be mad.

It was unfair but to me it seemed
You were the only victim.

So I held myself back.
I thought I supposed to.
I used to be sad,
Then turned to be mad.
And after all that
Hate captured my head.

I hated that you
Made me think about you
Only.

I hated that I wasn't strong enough
To fight for my peace.

I didn't know how to protect myself
You were my role model
And I had to obey.

I couldn't separate my head
From your **** way
To use me, f* it,
Tell me what to do.

I used to comfort you,
No matter what.
And you expected me
To be enough.

You told me I was special,
And what not.
And I was fearing
I could disappoint you.

You know, in fact, I was just normal.
But you made me ignore my boundaries
For you.
You made me think,
There wasn't a thing
That I couldn't do.

So every time I failed,
I hated myself
Instead of you.

I tried to live up to your expectations,
Were you ever aware that this was way too much??

I was a child, ******,
Will you understand?
It still hurts me and I feel guilty,
But I am mad. I'm very mad at you.

And you know what?
I do have the right to!

I do see that you had your struggles, too.
But that won't change the fact
That you treated me in a way that was bad

... for my self worth, my belief,
For my ability to stand up for myself,
For my needs, and to make my own choices,
Instead of positive things,
I still hear your demanding **** voices.

In my head. And it rings. And for the first time I say. I AM MAD. And you cannot change a thing about that.