If I was raised without genuine emotions
where vacuous superficialities hung in every
breath
and fathers were here today gone tomorrow
and mothers
said they loved but never spoke the truth
If friends were foes and foes friend
and life's reliefs came in bottles and cheap passions
coupled with fun in raging disobedience
and prohibition and a record are badges of honor
If all around me I dance
in fear and the insecurities of wanton choices
bathe in shallow pools and disjointed ideals
and watch travellers
build empires and bring Cathey to towns and cities
and Eastern riches grow into Medicines and Law
and Leroys from the Estates are now sitting in Parliament
telling us how to be
while sharp dark dancers with huge tools take all the hot tooties
and even Ron's chippie is now Ali and Raj's and you get houmous
If I have lost myself
and my mind is now confused and laden with anger and hate
on top of knowing I carry a stub gun that is trigger happy
challenging my waning masculinity and simple mind
If I didn't feel stripped of me while seeing real men with the prizes
I wouldn't feel so inadequate and inferior
burning with angst and belligerence hate
I would not become the covert racist I am now
I will not be the coward that hides in fear throwing stones
I wouldn't be the angry troll dissing all my betters
a stalwart of discontentment hiding in the shadows
blaming, hating, full of self loathing, angry and mad as hell
I believe in Nihilism, I believe in Anarchy, I believe in Revolution
cause I do not believe in me
for there is no me
my hate and inadequacies have eaten me