I remember when I was the girl running in everyone's inbox everytime something went sour with them.
I remember when I talked with both parties of friendships or any other relationship and translated how they actually felt because they were too upset to actually hear each other out.
I remember still being constantly behind them even though they clearly didnt want me there.
I remember throwing concern all over the place trying to fix everything that went wrong simply because I don't like things going wrong.
I remember forcing people to breathe each other's air because they were too fixated in breaking something that was once good.
I remember crying with them when their hearts broke every single time, even though I kept advising them ways to avoid that pain.
I remember being too nice to people that I knew were taking advantage of me.
I remember putting my own lovelies and my own families behind to solve the trigonometries of people's lives.
I remember no one holding my head up on days that built a mountain on my back.
I remember being selfish because I wanted someone to hug me when I cried.
I remember being a bad daughter because I didn't get the bread she asked me for and because my boring depressing excuse couldn't quite cut it.
I remember telling people to no longer tell me about their issues if they weren't going to take my advise when I give them and I remember holding those same people together despite of them being stupidly stubborn.
I remember being left out on several occasions because I just didn't suit the crowd and because I am too much.
I remember never being too much and I remember becoming too much to fix the awkwardness in any air.
I remember making myself the fool to raise another person's soul.
I remember remaining the fool because that's just how everyone else began to see me.
How do i revert to being the girl who was outcasted for years because she didn't share everyone else's opinion to being the girl that suppressed hers just to feel some sort of acceptance?
I remember being called a ***** because I supported someone else's choice to follow her heart rather than to be stuck in a relationship that only made her insides crumble by every second.
I remember when they said I didn't love my father because I refused to bawl at his funeral.
I remember being by his side all the nights he was in pain for years to and from three different hospitals with little to no sleep and still make it to work in the morning.
I remember how my brother told him that he hated him and how much it broke my heart to see his heart broken.
I remember always being left last because I wasn't old enough to know yet always being left to do things on my own because I was smart to enough to go complete all the legal requirements for certain necessities.
I remember being silenced of everything I believed and loved and felt because I was too young and I was too naive.
I remember loving someone to the point where I erased my value from this earth.
I remember being cheated one over and over and over again and I remember staying and I remember all the promises and I remember all the times those promised meant less and I remember the time when it meant nothing.
I remember being used for *** umpteen times but the one time I wanted a friend with benefits relationship it made me a ****.
I remember being told that I was too much and that I wasn't enough, confusing right?
I remember moving with everyday performing my daily duty of being a girl who understood, felt, compromised, laughed, made jokes, talked and talked and talked.

I remember how it felt to put everything behind me just to live a normal, socially accepted and "mature" life. And now they dare ask me to feel? They dare ask me to understand? They dare ask me to put myself in their position? They dare ask me to allow myself to be loved? They dare ask me too much ****. And they also dare ask me how do i do it?

-fir.m