a sequence of numbers i have buried in my head. the moment things unbearable those numbers pop into my head
they tell me to hold on. they tell me to see if tomorrow would be better
they tell me to think of the handful of people i would inconvenience with the news of my death
these numbers are always just on time. just right before i tighten the noose
and just before i fix my mouth to swallow the pills I've collected over time
they remind me of the time i held my stomach for laughing so hard
they remind me of the excitement i had to bring my nephew home from the hospital
they help me be hopeful of my future