I have searched like many others for the meaning of life.
Like a blind man searching for his own sight
I come up futile
in my vain attempts to find the meaning
of what it means to live.

How can one find something so conflicting to what they are?
Against my nature it is to want life.
What has become of me, that being death I seek life and love?

It was cold.
I remember the cold.
The very smell of the air
as I breathed in and out
so slowly
made me to once again relive the feeling
of frost coating my lungs.

I held it there,
keeping the fresh air
within me
until it became stagnant.

It descended on me,
covering my whole body in a grip so soft,
too impassive to be called violent.

But it was anything but.

I can only describe what I felt with a metaphor.
A metaphor that feels so real
I could have sworn,
even now,
that it was truly happening,
the plunge of needles into each pore,
between each crevice of folded skin,
in my eyes and ears, numbing all my senses.

I wonder if that’s what death makes others feel.
Is that what others feel when I come near,
can they sense the imminent inevitability of their end?