i am scared to be.
to love.
to lose.

i laugh and it is musical.
i laugh and it is hopeless.

i see a mountain and i see my house and they are two things that should be the same but one is a breathless life and the other a painless death.

one is fleeting,
the other a gaping minute on a clock that slowly ticks.

one is a boy with a heart,
the other a boy in the news.

one is a jeep that climbs the sky in a peaceful moment,
the other is our ambulance, raging along these city streets.

one is my mother:
she is the most beautiful person to exist.
the other is a creature's corpse wearing her skin.

there are fruits that prosper and fruits that rot:
fruits full of worms and fruits half-forgot.

there are strangely shaped ghars filled with things i've seen in dreams, inside caves i could never imagine to know.

there is this ghar made of carcass i have always known, that is so, so tired and should not exist.

so i am scared to be.
to live.
to lose.

i laugh and i am crying.

i see this ghar and i see my ghar and they are two things that should be the same but one is breathing, moving, and the other is a body that will be still forever, and i don't want to be here like this any more.