I didn't deserve to name you
I name myself now
Calling her liar, fool, wrong
There is no going back
I fear
I have waited to long
My muse is dry
So now are my words
Try as I might
I find myself
Unable to give up
Your memory to the void
You are my shadow ghost now
Soft scent
In the cherry blossom trees
Of spring
I know you hated the beach
But I hear your voice
In the undeniable roar of the waves
Soft echoes in the dunes
When autumn comes
The trees dry up from the inside out
I think of the sweaters we used to have
Pink hugs, and I hate myself
You will be in the first snow this winter
A cold, steady, ache
You will be in my thoughts as always
Hardened earth hands will not release me
Of your presence in my mind
I am undone
Still burdened
Still human
Still wrong
You owe me nothing, and yet I hope
Fumbling over prayers
I did not ever wish to muster from my lips
I was wrong
I am bitter, but not against you
It seems the silence in my head
Has directed me down a winding road
Here, in the spiral at the bottom
I am left looking upwards
At what one could call choices
I name them regrets
Burdens, broken promises I never thought I would be unable to keep
I do not deserve angels
And this is why I am sinking slowly in flames
That I dare not compare
To your hell