I hate my body,
But that's nothing knew,
Because I've always hated my body.
I hate my rock solid bed cover,
But I've always hated the bed cover.
I hate that it's hard for me to make friends;
It's always being hard making friends...
I hate that I have acne,
While other girls are tan without acne.
I've had acne for a while now...
I hate my phone,
I hate my clothes,
I hate my face,
I hate the fact I have massive anxiety,
Every day...
I hate that I'm never happy,
That I can never just simply enjoy life,
Even though it is summer now...
I hate that I can't communicate well with my boyfriend,
After already being with each other for other nine months.
I hate my huge ****,
Always did...
I hate not having anything to do,
For the time being.
I hate that I can't open up to my boyfriend,
When he certainly can't open up to me.
I hate losing.
I hate always being angry,
Always having something to worry about.
I hate pushing myself,
Even though I know I have to.
I hate that I don't really have the connection,
I used to have with my boyfriend.
I hate that it sort of faded away after nine months.
I hate that my boyfriend doesn't understand my feelings,
Yet I can'topen up to him,
Because I feel he won't care,
And he has no time to listen.
I hate we don't have fun in our relationship,
As much as we used to.
I hate that there's very little spark he feels,
I could see it in his eyes...
I hate that I'm starting to feel detatched from him.
Maybe he deserves better,
Than me.
Maybe he's not right,
For me.
I hate that he has no clue,
Of how much I still love him.
I hate that I can't show him,
How much I still love him,
Because we're becoming too distant.
When will we have that talk,
Where I could fully open up to him?
I hate that he's too good of a guy for me,
Intelligence, handsome, funny, respectful, athletic, etc...
But am I doing this to myself?
Or does he not feel the same way,
I feel about him every day.
Did he install a video camera in my house,
Or on my body,
Where he watches my every move?
And doesn't like what he hears or sees?
I might be thinking way out of the box,
But there's something not right now...
I hate myself,
I hate myself,
I loathe myself...
People say it's not your fault,
Or not everything is your fault,
But through my problems,
It is all my fault.
And I'm always going to think that way.
Maybe I'll become depressed again,
Maybe even suicidal...
Again...
I hate that he only talks to me,
In a matter of need,
Not want...
I hate that I'm not interesting enough for him,
That I'm just a casual seventeen year old girl.
Maybe It's me,
Because I feel it is always me.
Maybe he actually wants to leave this relationship,
But doesn't know how to do so...
Maybe he's not telling me something..
Maybe there's another girl...
Maybe he's mad at me...
But I still feel no spark.
I can only love him now,
If he loves me.
And I've never stopped loving him since our relationship.
I hope he loves me back.
And doesn't just say he does.
Because he really is an amazing guy.
It tore my heart apart when we were apart for so long,
Throughout the school year.
Maybe this is the best I'll ever get...
He is offely quiet and reserved,
When I invite him to special occasions,
But maybe he's scared,
Or nervous,
Or scared of me,
Or scared of us,
Or has doubts of us...
Maybe I'm wrong about everything......
But I know what I'm right about,
Is that I cause myself too much pain inside,
To the point where I wish I could just,
Run far away and hide...