The effective effect that I'm trying to affect is a sense of wonderment and yet

I'm met with regret

Palliative to the mind if not the soul is a giant yawning **** that I fall into when I think
and when I don't
When I shan't go somewhere I can't think
so this quarantine is one of the soul

I find myself least effective when I am down
So here I am at the bottom
being all ineffective and ****

How to be less down and more up?
Disappoint people and do what I want
and I can't even do that now
no one left to disappoint
up's not even a direction that makes sense


I try and find a place in between where I am beyond all that is not here
so I can concentrate one what is
but I'm only ever here, not there
and what I need to be is nor

Fleetingly up, abundantly down,
sadness
terror
that's what people feel when we live, isolated, in a mound