Sometimes I wonder if I ever  knew my mother at all
Growing up I thought I knew her better than anyone
I was naive, I thought she loved me
No strings attached, even with my flaws
Which there were many
She seemed so loving in my earliest childhood years
Soothing my ever constant fears of being alone
It was hard growing up alone, with her
When she was there, then suddenly she  disappeared
Never to be the same mother, I had come to know
The weak fragile mother who needed me to comfort her
Sit with her while she drank her morning coffee
Who soaped my crazy hair as a baby in the kitchen sink
She was a mother, the only one I had ever known
Who became distant and uncaring when I began to mature
“He didn’t do that to you”
“I don’t believe you?’
“Why would he touch you?”
He was her husband
Her love
Mine wasn’t good enough
Remembering the woman I thought I knew is one of the hardest things I will have to do
Especially when she was the one person I was supposed to look up to
To be like her
Painless, unfeeling
Bury it deep so you never feel it
Ignore the problems and they’ll go away
No
That’s Her
Not me