Why is there always a pit of despair in the back of my existence, always waiting for it to be quiet enough for me to remember it, to feel it, to acknowledge it's presence?

Why doesn't it matter how many times I heal, how many times I cry it out, talk it out, meditate it out, **** it out, drink it out, smoke it out, release it to God, to the devil, to ******* anyone who can just make the ******* agony disappear but it never actually goes anywhere?!?

It always comes back.

It's almost as if existence was the curse.
Is the curse.

A ******* prison planet of lies, delusions, poisons, distractions, and illusions.

It is so hard to feel like
I am constantly fighting against my nature.

Maybe death
Would bring true Life.