he doesn't want to know
his clothes are rags
or they deserve to be
when he doesn't care about the five dollars to buy the tool to fix his car
i did
but also,
did not
in so many ways i bought alcohol instead
decades later
he is vomiting, retching down the road
they don't feel bad
but they are disgusted
because they know
he chose this for himself

we string our pasts along behind us
like his decrepit old toy train on a rope
to others
they are jokes

they just care about the brawn
they want a fine and well-spoken soldier
well i've got one thing down