It eats me alive,  this sudden urge to just want to die. End it all, give them a call, tell them "with both of you I had hope." Thoughts of children,  flooded my mind. When my beautiful baby was taken by that time. I wanted to wake up and pretend it was lie, deny I ******* cried. I remember the night you were with my family drinking, I was in the room overwhelmed to much thinking. Just like you I was drinking, the bottle of ibuprofen laid there calling my name, taunting me. He doesn't want you, your a part of his game. No it wasn't the pills or *****, it was the devil calling my name. I wrote you a note, how I loved you so. I couldn't give you kids, I didn't want to live alone. The devil he was willing to give me a home. Ready for the next step I laid down, knowing if I was  alive or not I'd soon be found. You came in smiling alcohol on your breath, I smiled at you weakly seeing your face. I put my hands around your face and just cried and smiled. You seen the notebook sticking out from under the bed, I tried to take it but I couldn't. The pain in your eyes is what hurt me the most, it made me think I didn't deserve you. That I'm nothing, you pulled me up and stuck your fingers down my throat.  I'm still here, you saved me when I wanted nothing but you. While you search for different for better, but I'm simply for no one. I ******* hate that I'm a jumbled mess, I wanted love and respect. But **** me right! I guess. But non the less your sitting happy while I'm a wreak, beautiful lies and big regrets.  I AM NOTHING BUT ANOTHER NAME.  To your regretted list a beautiful bliss, a tragic miss. Crazy how it all started with just one kiss.