I just want to be happy
but I just can't seem to shake
this momentous grief and regret.

I am asunder
my world is raw and painful;
I feel so lost, confused, scared
and alone.

Worthless..
Insignificant..

**** this feeling!
Make it stop!
I want to tear my brain out
and to tear my heart out
so I'd just stop feeling
but I just can't.

I want to hang myself,
to shoot myself,
to bleed myself dry.
But I just can't.

I must struggle through this..
somehow.

Who once was my greatest comfort
now haunts my increasingly fitfully acquired dreams.
I can hardly sleep, eat, get excited about anything,
or motivate myself to get out of bed when I can sleep.

I want to be numb
I don't want this;
**** me for being this vulnerable;
I must struggle through this.

I looked forward to a time of renewal.
I had hope for the future
******* CRUSHED.
SHATTERED. DESSICATED.
I WANT NO FUTURE.
I SEE NO FUTURE.
YOU TOOK MY HEART AND SO THOUGHTLESSLY SHAT ON IT.
WHAT AM I TO DESERVE THIS?
**** ME. I WANT TO DIE.
**** ME. I HATE MY MIND.

**** being cast from Grace like this.