My mom sent me pictures of me. Pictures of me when I was little. Laughing at first I remembered. The times when I was young and happy. Carefree and innocent a child spinning madly in the wind with leaves dancing by my side. I was making funny faces at the camera being the goofball I was. I smiled because I knew I would always be safe and laughing. Nothing mattered but laughing.

I would imagine myself living in a castle of wonder and dreams. I would save princesses and tame dragons. I casted powerful spells that would scare demons and witches. The trees were new and the grass spoke to me. The wind sang my name and the water wrote me poems. The sun was my best friend and the moon, was my love.

But that was just a picture. A snapshot of what I used to be. I look at those worn and faded polaroids and cry because I’ve forgotten the princesses, and the dragons have gone. I forgot the spells I casted, magic wand broken and powerless. The trees rotted and died. The grass is speechless and the wind doesn’t sing. The water stands still. The Sun has moved on and the moon.... doesn’t recognize me.

I hate the girl in the picture because she is happy. Envy burns inside me like acid on silk. I want what she has. **** it all. Please come back to me. Why couldn’t she stay? Why am I left with this broken mind and broken body? The world isn’t wonderful, the sky isn’t beautiful, I can’t hear the music anymore... instead I take life “One day at a time.” Trying different meds to hope I feel something other than this belligerent urge to end it all.  

I hate her but I love her. The princess trapped in the Polaroid. I weep for her for she knows not what’s coming for her. I mourn her like a fallen friend struck down too early. Beaten and used and taken advantage of. Little one, your love and kindness was too pure for this world. You smile turned down and your eyes glassed over. I wish I could save you from what’s to come. But you’re just a picture.