I am floating around this earth, a ghost, unnoticed, and empty.
Yet I leave footprints in the sand.
I breathe, and I walk, my heart beating but I feel dead
All I had, every part of me was cut off.
Falling to the ground to disintegrate at the feet of the one causing my pain
I was stuck in the body of this dead child unable to break free
But I grew, somehow
I transformed and became something else, someone else
I left her body there. I saw what he was doing to her
So I floated away and she perished with her words stuck in the back of her throat
Words that formed screams and screams that turned into begging
Begging to understand, begging for it to stop
Begging for an answer, but none came
Now I feel non-existent. Just a soul, traveling in search
In search of something, in search of life, in search of hope
Maybe still searching for an answer
I continue my search yet I find it difficult to move in this decomposed body
These hands are dead, these feet are dead, my heart is dead
My everything is dead
I must put that little one to rest, So I can breath
Closing her eyes, and crossing her hands across that dead heart
I release her
Awakening the spark of life back into my veins
It ignites like fire, then flows through me and down to my fingertips
Throwing all numbness, shame, and guilt in that coffin with her
I lower her body into the dark earth and say goodbye
I tell her I'm sorry no one ever saved her
Throwing dirt on her grave I walk away
I walk away knowing its ok to feel
To be here, surviving, even though she didn't
I can be alive for her, because she never got the chance
I can feel life pulling at my ankles begging me to join it and to simply let her rest
So I follow life, to breathe, to walk, to keep my heart beating
Yet more than that.
To feel, to love and be loved, to learn and to know
To remember and yet move forward
To feel not like a ghost but as this beautiful butterfly I have transformed into.