i'm dancing like a drunkard
in an empty street
lit shittily by some yellowed lamp posts
looking stupid but feeling free
every step feels wrong
but i move like i'll die if i dont
in the night i fall over myself
trying to feel what i don't show
to them it all seems so clear
they think they've seen it all
vulnerable as i have been
there's a lot hiding behind these walls
so i'm spinning like a ballerina
tears cascading and dripping to the floor
everything i have is nothing
compared to what i had before
i do the huge leap and land in a crumple
i crash and burn and i succumb
it's hard to look back and not collapse
i know i'm still young
but i walk on these mauled feet
and write with these mangled hands
always picking at the wound so it can't heal
never had a chance
tip toeing and twirling pointedly
pretending this pain hasn't torn into me
the ****** hooks are finally ripping away
and all the maggots are pouring out; just wriggling
it feels good to be free of all that hatred
but it hurts to see the world as it is
god i wish i could just go back
to being a kid