It will tare you to pieces regularly, it will take ages on one day and and seconds on another day, it will boldly and mercilessly confront you with layer after layer after layer of
Thick
Fear and then
That which lies beneath this fear, with all the shame in the world of touching nice things, with a heavy leaden guilt that has been hiding so well you barely recognise it, with a sadness so untouched and so exposed you barely dare to induce something else into it, with a
Fire
That scares you to the bone and at first catapults you into running, again, in awe and total, unspeakable - and unspoken -  horror.