I feel like a soldier calling
ONWARD!  But then I know I am in the NOW
and the NOW is telling me to move ON Right NOW
I am ready
I am going
and I am falling forward on the journey
to a new and free ME
Tnis movement is freeing
from being
A prisoner of narcissistic endless cycle
of highs and lows
a place where I felt that there would be hole to go
Goooo!!!!  Right now.....Escape right now!!!!
I know I can make it out alive and free and lively
and happy and be happy and be free
Then my one hand got stuck on the hole, the door to
the hole
The door that is there all the time and waiting for me to be free
The cycle can be so habit forming and feel so secure at time
But the circle is deceiving and tricky and nightmarish at times
I am getting out of this nightmare of a endless cycle today.  
This day is time stamped of my GREAT ESCAPE from an
endless personality disorder and slightly narcissistic rabbit hole
My name is not Alice
I love my name and I love me and this endless crazy non stopping
cycle of craziness doesnt even say my name all the time unless he is mad
at me and then does he say my name to make me feel upset, panicked  that he saying my name to make me feel disconnected with him
Him that feels disconnected all the time at different times because
he is always someone else at different times.  
Me catching up to the personalities that will be a never ending endless way of not dealing with his own Past and My NOW!!!
The past that he hardly remembers but yet lives the
nightmares everyday in his changed personalities that he brings out
for whatever he is trying to either endure or get away from,  
This has been my pain everyday and then good days not knowing if they were
going to become bad days.  Days of saying...what did I do?  What just happened?  Why did this just happen...again saying ....What did I do?  
No more asking a stupid question to myself for something that I know
that I didnt start or do.....I did not damage this time of day or month or year
I didnt not make him the way he is.  I endured him long enough.
My time is over though still had wonderful times and  beautiful at times
memories.....but the end of the day became dark so much as his personalities displayed his darkness to me.
I dont want the darkness at all anymore
I will always feel for him.  I will always have this love for him.  
But my darkness doesnt even match his shade of dark anymore.
I am light again.
I will march on
I will stand on my own
I have escaped
I am free from his personalities and mental abuse
I am free
Thank you God and Angels above
I am free........
I am
I....................will not look back.....Dont you dare look back