Batteries are being stolen
from intermittent hazard
warning lights erected
by Irish Police force at
dangerous intersections.

A spokesperson for
Electric Ireland said
the culprits can be easily
found by checking the list
of those cut off from power.

Alternatively, if anyone
notices what appears to be
disco atmospheres in houses
please contact your local
Garda Station.

A Government Health Dept
statement said people who
dye the roots of their hair black
and seen to be blinking excessively
are deemed to be prime suspects.