you said we were never good for each other
so what would have happened
if i didn't leave
if i wasn't ****** up
if i could be strong enough
for both of us

was it me?

or was this bound to happen
one way or another
someday

were we doomed from the start
or did i destroy it all

because i know i did something
i had a hand in this disaster
even you aren't capable
of ruining something
that badly
on your own

i have cried
every night about this
and i can't talk to you
because it feels like i'm nagging
so i will write to you
like this
and it can be your choice to read it
and you decision to come to me
if you have anything to say

so i have questions
a lot of them
but most important are

i understand not being able to stand in the middle
but why do we have to stand on opposite ends?
why cant we just be?
what happened to us
when i was gone?
i read your poems
so i got over that at least
but i'm stupid or something
and there is so much i don't understand
because you make it sound
like you are doing this big thing
for my sake
but it hurts me so bad
so really you're hurting us both
over something i don't understand.
i miss you
i want you back
i feel so pathetic
and alone.

i used to go to you
in person or in my mind
any time i was
hurt
scared
lonely
sad
but now that place
that i dedicated to you
that i familiarized with joy
is dark and black and murky
and i unknowingly go there
again and again
and hurt myself more
because i miss you
and you aren't there