I have a fairly great life.
I am one of the group of fortunate people
Who get to go to school
Who have a kind family
And a roof above my head.
I should be thankful.
I am.
But I’m mostly sad.
I am always afraid of what may happen,
Which probably will inevitably happen
Because life does that sometimes.
I feel like because I am fortunate
I should be happy.
But it’s so dang hard for me to be happy.
I don’t understand it.
Sometimes I wish I was diagnosed with depression
Because then at least
I would have an excuse.
I would have an explanation.
But instead I am left with a sadness
That I can’t explain.
I don’t deserve to be this sad.
My life is awesome.
I don’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain.
I’m pretty sure I got a good amount of serotonin in me.
It’s just me.
But if it’s so easy,
Then why is it so hard?