I want to paint my face with makeup
Cake it on heavily with care
Then cry and ruin it all
Like the mess I am
I want people to think something when they look at me
Not just negative thoughts
“She’s ugly”
“She’s fat”
“She’s stupid”
“She thinks she’s all that”
That’s all I hear in my own head
I wish it’d stop
I wish that I could stop thinking
I wish I would stop acting like I’m stupid all the time
Because I’m not
I become what’s most comfortable for the other person
What doesn’t get me in trouble
But my existence isn’t there to make other people comfortable
I wish I could tell the little girl who was abused that she was enough
I wish I could tell the little girl with an eating disorder that she wasn’t too much
Part of me
Deep inside me
That little girl is still there
With all the things she had to go through
All the scars and trauma that was left behind
That she does matter
That she needs to keep trying
Even when she gets knocked down
One million times